BREAKING: Local man mass-assigns "Urgent" priority to all Jira tickets — productivity unchanged  🔥  |  DEVELOPING: Entire office pretends to understand "synergy"  💼  |  UPDATE: Woman avoids eye contact with coworker for 3rd consecutive year  👀  |  ALERT: Reply-All catastrophe enters hour 6, casualties mounting  📧  |  JUST IN: Man who said "let me share my screen" now frantically closing tabs  😰  |  TRENDING: Area dad discovers ChatGPT, family braces for impact  🤖  |  BREAKING: Engineering team agrees on tech stack — UN peacekeepers deployed  ⌨️